Today is the day i am to scrub the bathroom clean; it is also the day Master J gets paid and W/we go grocery shopping as a family. In the past, both of the things have been a huge burden to me; i hate cleaning the bathroom and taking Master J grocery shopping has always gotten on my nerves...
The bathroom has always been a place of retreat for me. When i'm not feeling well or just need to relax i know that i can fill the bathtub with hot, bubbly water and escape into the sensation of heat and bubbles on my skin, close my eyes and just let my mind drift. But it is also the place i hate to clean the most, thinking about the fact that my retreat can get so dirty just grosses me out. i personally hate scrubbing around the toilet, cleaning up other's "splashes" and wiping up the sweat from the toilet and all the gunk that can get caught up in said sweat and "splashes".
Plus, we have cats and the kitty litter box is kept in the bathroom. Cat's may be seen as clean creatures that are always grooming themselves and each other, but they are just plain gross when it comes to the place to they relieve themselves. They have a tendancy to flick their kitty litter (and the stuff caught in the kitty litter) all over...the wall behind our kitty litter box has become a "splashboard" for kitty crap and it's just gross.
For the past few years, basically since i was pregnant and had an excuse (and the ensuing time since Master let me get away with it), Master has been cleaning the kitty litter box and He never bothered to clean the "splashboard". Well, now that i'm not pregnant, or nursing, and no longer have any excuse to get out of it, the kitty litter is once again part of my daily chores and cleaning the bathroom involves scrubbing out the box and cleaning the corner it goes in. So today, i found myself on my knees, scrubbing this place i hate, but all the while thinking about how proud Master would be that it was completely scrubbed clean.
And then, i found myself continuing all the way around the room, scrubbing baseboards and behind the toilet and everyother place i hate to scrub in that room. All the time, i kept thinking "why am i doing this" and then, an immediate answer to that question came. I knew that no matter how much i hated cleaning it Master would be proud that the room was sparkly clean and all remnants of dirt (and therefore my disgust with cleaning the room) would be gone. Now the room is clean, and i can't WAIT for Master to see it.
And on to grocery shopping...and why do i hate taking Master grocery shopping so much? Because Master is a chef and He likes to cook. Well, that's not such a bad thing, but His desire to cook things W/we cannot afford is very difficult on me. i find myself constantly reminding Him that W/we only have X amount of dollars for groceries this week and so He can't have those steaks He wants, or the asparagus that $2.00 a pound might be cheaper elsewhere, lets just wait. And i feel like i've crushed Him yet again by not letting Him revel in something He loves so much.
Already, He has given up His career in cooking (hopefully only temporarily) to work where there is money to be had. He's working third shift in a factory right now and it crushes His spirit. Not only is He not able to do what He loves and be in a kitchen everyday, He's tired and not able to spend as much time with Little Prince and i as i know He would like to. So, today i will bite my tongue and hope that He remembers W/we are on a tight budget and gently steer Him to the items W/we can afford.
And some rambling While working hard to scrub the bathroom clean, i took occassional breaks to keep me from getting frustrated with the stuck on dirt and disgustingness of the room, and to get out of the room filled with bleach fumes...and during my breaks i read this great article about what submissive women want and how we may have a hard time expressing ourselves. i was so thrilled to find an article that i felt identified a large part of me.
No comments:
Post a Comment