Saturday, July 16, 2011

Amazing :) and a Wishlist

Master tied me up and put me to bed last night. It was amazing. i slept GREAT for most of the night. i was surprised at how relaxed it made me feel. Until i had to go to the bathroom.

Master had instructed me to wake Him up if i needed to go, so i waited as long as i could until i finally couldn't wait anymore. Then i woke Him up and could wait until He released me, gave me permission to go potty, and RAN to the bathroom...it was such a relief.

But, it was late so He didn't tie me back up. After that, i didn't sleep well. i woke myself up about 4am cause i was talking so loud in my sleep that it startled me. i think i woke Master up too, cause i felt Him watching me. That was comforting, and it helped me fall back to sleep. i LOVE IT when i wake up and can feel His eyes on my body, admiring His property.

Today, Master is gone. He took the day to Himself and went to a gaming convention. With luck, He will come home with some extra money from selling some stuff He doesn't use anymore and He will splurge and buy some new toys. i am ready for new toys.

my wishlist for new toys:
   a collar...i'm ready to be collared by Master again and the one He had bought before is not in good shape, it was a cheap, in the moment buy. i'm very excited about the new one He has picked out
  an anal plug...oh boy, i've always been nervous about these and Master let me help pick out the last one, and after He used it on me the first time, W/we realized it was no fun, cause it was made from a soft silicone and won't stay in on its own.
  a new paddle...Master's paddle is soooo old and He uses it soooo much it is getting worn out.
  a crop...something else that has always made me nervous, but Master has been showing me all the different ways that He could use it and i would very much like to try
  another set of cuffs...Master only has one set and another set would allow Master to bind both my ankles and wrists easier when He wants spur of the moment play and time is short

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Wishing (and knowing reality)

i hate it when Master has to work overtime. Overtime means He has to go to work at 7 pm...way to early for Him to tuck me into bed, since Little Prince doesn't usually go to bed till between 7:30 and 8. W/we tried putting him to bed at 7 so that i could go to bed too, but that just doesn't work. i ended up having to get LP back out of bed, and he then stayed up till 9:30 tonight...ugh.

i really wish that Master didn't have to work overtime!

And then, there is reality. i know that Master working overtime means more money for our family, which in turn means more bills get paid, more/better/healthier food gets put on our table, and more toys get bought (for our bedroom and Little Prince). And so, i will suck it up and deal with the reality that Master has to work overtime.

i just wish that i could smoke a cigarette tonight!

And then, there is reality (again). Master doesn't like it that i smoke, it's a drain on our budget...and He will be lucky to have enough gas to get to work till payday this week, so we just can't afford it. Master has one cigarette left for me in the morning, to make sure i get a nicotine fix. He is trying to wean me off slowly so that i don't go balistic without my nicotine fix. Really, it's the only bad habit i have left (and trust me, i used to have a lot of them)...so it's not too bad, just annoying and displeasing to Master, so i really want to quit for Him.

So...i really wish that He could come home, tell me no smokes tonight, and tuck me in to bed....grrr, it's going to be a long night.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Fantasizing...Part 2

Tie me up (or down) till i can't move. Arms are bound at wrist and elbow and stretched above my head. Legs bound at ankle and knee. Another portion of Your rope keeps my legs bound up und underneath me so i can't push them out straight.

Starting with a slow gentle warm up, You caress and stratch my backside. You add in a few light, rythmic slaps to both butt cheeks. You get out Your paddle and swat me a few times with the soft side. Then You flip it over and let loose with the leather side of Your paddle and make my backside nice and red.

Finally, You get out Your candle, that's been melting ever so slowly. You start dripping hot wax aross my body...shoulders, back, bottom, feet...You drip hot wax where You will, wherever it please You. Then You peel it off as it hardens and crumbles. Then start all over again, paddling and dripping as You go.

Suddenly You decide it is time to turn me over, pulling my legs out straight and tying them down again so i'm am bound straight out and cannot move. Again, You warm me up, starting with my breasts, smacking gently, working your way down my body and across my legs. Paddling ever harder as You progress and let loose again.

Again, You get out Your candle, that's had more time to melt down. And againYou start dripping hot wax across my body...breasts, belly, legs this time... dripping hot wax where You will, wherever it pleases You. Again, You peel it off as it hardens and crumbles, starting anew, paddling and dripping as You go.

Let me feel it all, all the ecstacy You can give as You let go Your inhibitions and help me over come mine. Ecstacy in pain, eroitic pain, is what i long to feel. Sensations only You can give, as You are the one i place all my trust in, safe in the knowledge that You understand and respect my limits and won't push me farther than i can endure. Always knowing that You can push me just to that edge, to that precipice i yearn for but cannot always ask for. Let me fall over. i know You will catch me before i hit the bottom, pick me back up and then W/we will start all over again.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Punishments

Wednesday night, when Master left for work, He took me to bed like always....but unlike always He did not tuck me in under the covers. "You need to text me and ask permission to go to the bathroom tonight, and don't cover up" is all He said on His way out the door.

Now, you need to understand that it could be 100 degrees outside and i'm under the covers; i'm the type of person that is always cold and Master HATES my cold feet, which never seem to get warm. So, for Him to tell me to stay uncovered in bed with the window a/c just a few feet away and blowing directly on my naked body was a very difficult limit to obey.

Within half an hour i was shivering, laying on one side long enough to warm it up and then quickly flipping onto the other side to warm it up, cuddling my round cuddly pillow (which i am allowed on nights when Master is at work) between my breasts long enough to warm my front up and then quickly placing it behind my back in an effort to spread the warmth. It was excruciatingly difficult for me by this point not to just climb under the covers, and i was soooo tired.

Fifteen more minutes goes by and now i'm soooo cold that i have to pee, really really bad. So, i text Master and ask Him if i can please, please go to the bathroom. Within a few minutes i recieve a text back telling me that i may go and that He will send me another message when He decides i may cover up. So, i get up and run to the bathroom, taking comfort in the warmth that comes from moving my body and getting out from in front of the a/c.

When i get back to the bed, i check the clock (i'm always checking the clock, bad habit that Master is trying to break) and it's 8:45...OMG, it's only been 45 minutes since Master put me in bed and left for work, how am i ever going to survive the night?

A while later, half asleep and too cold to care anymore i sleepily reach down to the foot of the bed and grab the quilt, shake it out and cover up with it. i know i will be punished but i am so tired and so cold i give up, i just want to be warm and sleep. Once covered, i quickly snuggle down and fall alseep.

A very short time later, the phone wakes me. It's Master, texting me to let me know i may cover up. Too late, i'm already covered up. And then i look at the time on the phone...it's only 9:30 *groan.* I'm going to be punished because i couldn't stay on top of the covers for an hour and a half and it was only like ten minutes after i finally covered up that Master finally texted me. So guilty did i feel that i did not sleep well the rest of the night.

In the morning, Master came home, got our son out of bed, woke me up, and got in the shower. i got up, took the dogs out, came back in and went straight to Master to confess my wrong before my guilt ate me up. He said He would take care of it later, right now He wanted me to stop worrying about it, get my chores done and let Him take a nap.

So, the day goes by and i try not to think about my coming punishment. There are a few spankings here and there throughout the day as Master corrects my inappropriate behaviors (like being snippy and not getting LP buckled in his carseat). Then evening rolls around, LP goes to bed, Master calls me to the living room and commands me to strip naked and get on my elbows and knees in front of Him. Still, this is not my punishment for disobeying Him the night before, this is just a time He wants to spend admiring my body and obedience to Him.

Time passes, occassionally Master reaches out and rubs His hands over my butt or pussy lips, telling me how much He enjoys His property and that this is one of His favorite sites. Then, He commands me to turn around and tells me how much of a good girl i was, being so good and still for Him, but that it is time to discuss the punishment i have earned.

He tells me to go to the bedroom and get on the bed, with the paddle. i do as commanded. He comes in behind me and spends a few minutes warming me up, but not much since this is about punishment and not pleasure. Then, He tells me that the first part of my punishments is 20 whacks with the leather side of the paddle, and that they will NOT be easy whacks, but hard and they will hurt a lot. i try my hardest not to cry out as Master delivers this part of my punishment, but it is very hard and i do cry out a few times before it is all done.

That wasn't nearly as bad as Master had led me to believe it would be, when He had told me earlier in the day that my punishment was going to be very uncomfortable. i sit up and thank Master for taking the time to punish me, tell Him how truly sorry i am for pushing limits and not obeying Him.Then, Master reminds me that He had said that was only the first part of my punishment, and as i watch Him, He picks up the throw blankets off the stand next to His bed, grabs two pillows off the bed and spreads it all out on the floor.

Last night, as punishment for not listening Wednesday night, i had to sleep on the floor all night. Worst punishment ever. My large hips were not made for laying on the floor for an extended amount of time. Ten minutes on this side and then i had to roll over to that side before the pain was unbearable. Back and forth and back and forth i went all night. Talk about not sleeping well...but trust me, i stayed on the floor the whole night. No way was i gonna risk climbing up in Master's big bed and getting an even worse punishment (or god forbid sentenced to the floor for the weekend, when Master was at home at night to cuddle with).

Fantasizing...Part 1

This morning as i lay on the floor, waiting for You to come home and release me from my punishment and call me into Your bed, i began thinking of all the wonderful, erotic things You might do to me:

i imagined that instead of just laying me down on the floor, You had also tied my wrists, elbows, ankles, and knees together so that the only thing i would be able to do all night was *maybe* roll over. Then, when You got home You released me and i had to beg you to go to the bathroom. When You finally said "yes" i ran as fast as i could the whole whopping ten or so steps to the bathroom (leaping the baby gate) so bad did i have to go.

You followed me to the bathroom and watched as i peed, *ahh, such a sweet relief*. As soon as i finished You commanded me to stand up, put the lid down and bend over. Right there, in the bathroom, You had your way with me, taking fulfillment in my body, using my vagina and butt to find Your release and filling me with your seed.

**Master assigned me a new challenge yesterday. Each time He commands me to, i am to add something i fantasize about to my blog. Thus, the Part 1...each part may expand on a previous fantasy OR it may begin a new one. I will try to link to any past fantasy i may be expanding on.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Parenting

Ah the joys of parenting...in a D/s relationship no less...and where exactly are we supposed to find "mommy & daddy time?"

First, let me start by saying that being in a D/s relationship has had a very positive impact on our relationship with our son and our skills as parents. Not really very odd when you think about it.

Master often has me sit on the floor next to Him, wherever He is at in the house, and this puts me on Little Prince's level all the time. Now, instead of sitting at my desk chair or on the couch when we are relaxing, i'm on the floor and LP is usually in my lap or climbing on me like a jungle gym. i have more opportunities to tickle LP or work on identifying body parts or counting cause it's harder to ignore somebody who is completely on your level and in your face. And I sure don't mind :)

Not only that, but Master taking control of more things in our lives means He is being WAY more ascertive with our son. I don't have to remind Him to tell Little Prince "no more climbing the stairs" or when LP takes an attitude with me and i'm at my wits end, Master is right there now to jump in and put His foot down. Sometimes it still works the other way, LP still sees me more as his disciplinarian and will listen to me when he won't listen to anybody else.But it's nice to know that i don't have to be the one in charge of all of Little Prince's discipline and that Master is starting to understand more and more why those things are hard for/on me.

But....when i get up in the morning Master is just getting home and going to bed. Master sometimes gets up for lunch, which means He wants to take a nap when LP goes down for is afternoon nap. I have to go to the bedroom with Him and clean Him all up and sometimes this leads to further play, but usually just cuddle time or sharing time. Other days, if Master is not up by the time LP goes down for his afternoon nap, i have to wake Master up. This is usually fun and takes time to kiss Him awake and rub His body down; but He usually wakes up hungry and wants to get out of bed and He has to do inspection of my daily chores. Then, we have some sharing time, and then, guess what LP wakes up...and there goes all that "mommy and daddy" time i had hoped for. Oh well, Saturday is right around the corner and LP sleeps ALL NIGHT....and Master is home ALL NIGHT...hmmmm :) can't wait!

Oh, and that article i talked about in my last post...let me just say that Master read it, and it explained in so many ways some of the things that i've felt but have a really hard time expressing to Master. i think i will revist that article in a future post(s) and break it down a little, more than just refering to how great it was :)

Just Thoughts

Today is the day i am to scrub the bathroom clean; it is also the day Master J gets paid and W/we go grocery shopping as a family. In the past, both of the things have been a huge burden to me; i hate cleaning the bathroom and taking Master J grocery shopping has always gotten on my nerves...

The bathroom has always been a place of retreat for me. When i'm not feeling well or just need to relax i know that i can fill the bathtub with hot, bubbly water and escape into the sensation of heat and bubbles on my skin, close my eyes and just let my mind drift. But it is also the place i hate to clean the most, thinking about the fact that my retreat can get so dirty just grosses me out. i personally hate scrubbing around the toilet, cleaning up other's "splashes" and wiping up the sweat from the toilet and all the gunk that can get caught up in said sweat and "splashes".

Plus, we have cats and the kitty litter box is kept in the bathroom. Cat's may be seen as clean creatures that are always grooming themselves and each other, but they are just plain gross when it comes to the place to they relieve themselves. They have a tendancy to flick their kitty litter (and the stuff caught in the kitty litter) all over...the wall behind our kitty litter box has become a "splashboard" for kitty crap and it's just gross.

For the past few years, basically since i was pregnant and had an excuse (and the ensuing time since Master let me get away with it), Master has been cleaning the kitty litter box and He never bothered to clean the "splashboard". Well, now that i'm not pregnant, or nursing, and no longer have any excuse to get out of it, the kitty litter is once again part of my daily chores and cleaning the bathroom involves scrubbing out the box and cleaning the corner it goes in. So today, i found myself on my knees, scrubbing this place i hate, but all the while thinking about how proud Master would be that it was completely scrubbed clean.

And then, i found myself continuing all the way around the room, scrubbing baseboards and behind the toilet and everyother place i hate to scrub in that room. All the time, i kept thinking "why am i doing this" and then, an immediate answer to that question came. I knew that no matter how much i hated cleaning it Master would be proud that the room was sparkly clean and all remnants of dirt (and therefore my disgust with cleaning the room) would be gone. Now the room is clean, and i can't WAIT for Master to see it.

And on to grocery shopping...and why do i hate taking Master grocery shopping so much? Because Master is a chef and He likes to cook. Well, that's not such a bad thing, but His desire to cook things W/we cannot afford is very difficult on me. i find myself constantly reminding Him that W/we only have X amount of dollars for groceries this week and so He can't have those steaks He wants, or the asparagus that $2.00 a pound might be cheaper elsewhere, lets just wait. And i feel like i've crushed Him yet again by not letting Him revel in something He loves so much.

Already, He has given up His career in cooking (hopefully only temporarily) to work where there is money to be had. He's working third shift in a factory right now and it crushes His spirit. Not only is He not able to do what He loves and be in a kitchen everyday, He's tired and not able to spend as much time with Little Prince and i as i know He would like to. So, today i will bite my tongue and hope that He remembers W/we are on a tight budget and gently steer Him to the items W/we can afford.

And some rambling While working hard to scrub the bathroom clean, i took occassional breaks to keep me from getting frustrated with the stuck on dirt and disgustingness of the room, and to get out of the room filled with bleach fumes...and during my breaks i read this great article about what submissive women want and how we may have a hard time expressing ourselves. i was so thrilled to find an article that i felt identified a large part of me.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Limits and Longings

Today Master J and i had a discussion about limits and longings...His limits and my longings for more. Wow, it was an amazing talk :) i had no idea until today that Master J was afraid of letting go and giving me more than i could handle...how do i assure Him that i can take what He gives me?

W/we have safe words set up in case things go farther than i can handle, and i trust that He will observe those safewords. Eight years of committment has taught me that i can trust Him; but i guess, to some extent, He doesn't trust Himself?

i have a need...a need to experience pain in new depths. i wish to be tied up so i can't wiggle away and spanked, paddled, and whipped till i can't take anymore. i need to feel pain across my whole body; i feel that there is not one inch of me that is too tender to handle pain, too sacred to be spared, or to intimate to be ignored. These feelings are scary to me, but even scarier is the thought that i may always be denied these experiences and that the pain may always be withheld.

I wish to experience this:




 i wish for you to let go. to let me feel. to give me pain in new depths. to not be afraid that you are giving me more than i can handle. to push the limits of what you think i can handle and give me just a little more.



to tie me up so i can't move. to torture me with the exquisite pain only you can give. to know that i long for more and more until i scream "red" and you know it is time to stop.





And then, when O/our discussion was all done and W/we both felt better about the things W/we had expressed, Master J put me across His legs and let go, truly let go for the first time. He spanked me until i was screaming and wiggling and then He spanked me more. As i sit here, typing this post, my ass still burns from the way He let go and spanked me this afternoon....and i dream of more.

While W/we cuddled for a few minutes afterwards i told Him how much i enjoyed it that He let go and He told me how freeing it was to be able to let go....and i know now that W/we will BOTH be looking forward to the next time.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Learning to Let Go

In my last post, about expecations, i left out an excerpt of things that i had written just for Master. This was just a few small instances that he had made me uncomfortable for His pleasure during our negotation period and they were things that excited me. This will be my first actual post about something that we did, an an actual experience we shared. I will write parts of it as i did originally to my Master.

The other day when you sat in the bathroom next to me while i peed was very exciting for me. Knowing that you were probably going to stick your hand between my legs while i peed was a very unsettling experience, but in some ways it was also very freeing to me.

That day, Master and i were cuddling in bed, me laying on top of Him. Our room was very cold and i was naked, making my bottom even colder as the window a/c was in the window directly behind me. I had to go to the bathroom and asked Master for permission to get up and go; to my surprise He instructed me to stay right where i was and go! I tried and tried, i really did, but couldn't make myself let go of years of training about the proper place to pee.

He told me to get up and go sit on the toilet until i really had to go and then come back. So i did. Within minutes i was RUNNING back to the bedroom because i really, really had to pee. As soon as i was back though, i couldn't do it. Again, the years of proper training kicked in and my body tightened up. Master sent me to the bathroom again with the same instructions, and again the same results insued. I felt positively horrified. Not only was i being expected to do something that went against everything i knew, but in being unable to do so i was letting Master down.

Master decided that maybe we needed to slow down, back up a step, and start re-training my mind. He took me to the bathroom, sat me on the toilet, told me to spread my legs, and then sat down next to me. As soon as i started peeing, Master stuck his hand between my legs so that i was peeing on his hand, and he played with me the whole time i peed. It was very exciting and a HUGE turn on. (Needless to say i was punished for not peeing when i was told to the first time, but not badly because Master understands that something will have to be re-trained in my mind)

I also like it when i told you that i had to go to the bathroom after i got in the shower and you told me that i had to go in the shower. Then, you stood there until i was done and made sure that i had done as told. These things make me happy to do for you.

The next day, or a few days later (i don't really remember), Master had given me permission to get in the shower and i had taken an opportunity to get in quickly while our little prince was down for his morning nap. As soon as i got in the shower, i realized my mistake: i'd forgotten to ask for permission to use the toilet before i got in the shower because i'd been in such a rush to get clean for Master.

Master was standing there watching me and i think he knew from the expression on my face that the running water on my body was working it's magic and i really had to pee. I turned to Him and told Him i had to pee and asked if i could get out and use the toilet. He said no, that i could stay right where i was and go! I was shocked, slightly embarrassed, but happy i could please Master. This time it didn't take me long to follow Master's instructions and i peed in the shower with Him standing a few feet away watching me. That night, i was rewarded for being such a good girl and i was proud that i had please Master.

my expectations for our journey

Previously, I wrote about negotiations and how i had written things to Master to let Him know what my expectations were as His submissive and how these things made our transition easier, because it let Master know that i was totally committed to a total power exchange. Here is the first thing i wrote to Master:

I would like for Master to pick out my clothes or give me guidelines for what i can and cannot wear on a day to day basis. There are some exceptions that i would like to be allowed, to be approved by Master. On Sundays (which Master has established as a rest day for me) i would like to have some say in what i wear, even if it is just by expressing that i feel more comfortable in lounge pants. For now, when we go out in public, i would like to be able to express what i would be most comfortable in. Eventually, i hope to get to the point where Master knows what i would like to wear or what i feel comfortable in in different situations without having to say anything so that i can give complete control of this to Master. (To further add to this, i would like to say that i now also feel that i hope to get to the point that Master picks things out that make me uncomfortable but please Him when we go out in public). I want this to include everything all the way down to my hair and make-up. I want to be visually pleasing to Master at all times and be a possession He is proud of and likes to show off.

On days when i am having my period (which makes me very ill, sick to my stomach and sometimes unable to move without extreme, unwanted pain), i would like for Master to understand that i may not be feeling well and may need to have some exceptions made for those days. I would like to be able to express to Master what my limits may be on those days (and to have those limits listened to as long as they are within reason to Master).

I would like for Master to be in control and i want to be disciplined if i take an attitude with Master when he asks me to do something or dress a certain way, or if i behave poorly during training sessions.

I really like it when Master makes me ask permission to do simple things, like taking a shower, going to the bathroom, or smoking a cigarette (a habit Master is slowly breaking me of, yay!) I even enjoy it when Master makes me feel uncomfortable by telling me "No" and not letting me do what i want to do at the time. The discomfort makes me know that i am not in control, reminds me that i need Master's permission (for even the small things), and makes me happy that waiting is something i can do for Master.

(Here there was a side note for Master regarding a few experience we had shared, which I will address in a seperate post :)

I like it that Master has expectations for me everyday and chores that i must do to fill up much of my time. Not having to think about what needs to be done or what i am doing with my time helps keep me from feeling like i am floundering and lost in the day-to-day. (It also helps keep me on track and keep Master happy). When i don't meet master's expectations, i know that i am to be punished. I understand that the punishments will be uncomfortable and may make me cry sometimes (case in point, i lost my play time yesterday after one stupid mistake and it made me cry because i had disappointed Master that badly), but i expect master to continue with the punishments he deems appropriate for the situation. I understand that the punishments are not done to abuse me, but to help me learn to become a better submissive to my Master and to correct me when i have done wrong.

I understand that i am an over-indulger and that i need Master to set limits for me. I know that one area i truly struggle with is food; even when Master has put himself on a strict diet, he has not always expected me to abide by the same diet and in that way i am detrimental to him. I would like for Master to be more in control of our diet, including daily snacks and drings. I have enjoyed the times in the past when Master has told me exactly how much food i can put on my plate or ordered for me when we have gone out together, these things help me feel more in control of my own figure.

Master and i are in a lifetime partnership that involves raising  children. I would like Master to remember that i have a lot of experience with children and a wide network of friends and resources to turn to when we have problems. When i set limits for our son, i would like for Master to tell me if He doesn't approve of those limits or would like different limits set so that we can discuss a better way to meet our son's needs and our needs.

I would like to have a "sharing time" with Master every day, during which all of our electronics (tv, computer, etc.) are shut off (except, maybe music if Master wants it). During this time i would like Master and i to communicate how we feel we are progressing in our relationiship, new things we would like to experience, where we both need to work harder, what things make us happy/unhappy during the day, and what things we like/dislike. I would really like this time to be a free-sharing time with no reprisals or punishments for the feelings expressed. During other times of the day i would like Master to keep the things we have shared in mind but make his own decisions for the both of us.

When Master feel the need to have a friend come over or to go out, i would appreciate it if Master makes those decisions without feeling the need to ask me if it is okay. I would ask that Master keep in mind that i also have a need for His time, especially if it is time Master has promised just for me and that i have been looking forward to.

Wednesday afternoons we have a babysitter and Saturday nights our son is asleep and Master does not work or have plans and I would like this to be our "special time" when we can do things that we would not otherwise be able to do; such as Master tying me up and leaving me somewhere in the house for his viewing pleasure, (forcing me to strip naked and be a piece of furniture,) throwing me on the ground and having his needs fulfilled while mine are ignored, being forced to sit unders Master's desk and service him, and other types of play that we come up with that may take more than the short time available during Master's work-week.

I enjoy the routine we have already started to establish during the past week. I like knowing that after our son goes down to bed at night I need to go wait on our bed, naked, for my daily punishments if i have acted inappropriately. This lets me know my place each day.

Also, practicing my posture in front of Master while we watch tv at night is a comforting ritual to me. I like it when Master does simple things for me during this time, also, like brushing my hair to his satisfaction, it lets me know that i have been well groomed for him.

I also like it that Master puts me to bed before he leaves for work each night; it has helped me feel more relaxed and free to sleep while he is gone. On nights that Master has to leave for work early (or nights that he has deemed my punishment is to stay up because i am very tired but was not good) i would like for Master to text me to tell me when i am to go to bed and to tell me good night and to be able to text him back when i am in bed. To this end, i would also like Master to help me make sure my phone stays charged and with me at all times.

Negotiations

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The Beginning of my Journey

A journey into life as a submissive is something that i have played around with for several years but have never fully committed to. Now, i am taking the plunge and jumping in with two feet with my Master (and husband) to a full-time 24/7 D/s relationship.

Master recently asked me to start a blog at some point in the future to share some of our experiences and my thoughts and feelings into the lifestyle, to chronicle our journey, and share with others what brought us to this lifestyle choice and how we've made it work for us. At first, i was nervous about sharing these things with others, but Master asked me to and i will not deny him this; it is also becoming an exciting prospect to me. I've wondered, will people actually read it? Will the things i've experienced and my journey into this "world" help others who are also thinking about taking the plunge? Who knows...

First i think it is important to share a little about myself and Master. We are a happily married couple in a fully committed D/s relationship. We discovered BDSM as a couple about six years ago and have played around with some aspects of it off and on since then.

We had decided to enter into a 24/7 D/s relationship about three years ago and were off to a good start when i discovered i was pregnant. A child is something we had hoped for for a long time, but after years of trying had given up, so this pregnancy was a blessing to us! Then we discoved how hard pregnancy was going to be on my body; i spent the next several months severly ill, constantly in the bathroom getting sick, unable to keep much food down, and in need of much rest. This put a serious damper on our lifestyle and we decided that we were probably going to be unable to balance life as parents with a Dominant/submissive relationship.

Our son (whom i will refer to in later posts as little prince or lp) is now a little over a year old and is still a blessing to us. However, we have discovered that we are not as happy as we could be and want to try to balance a life as parents in a 24/7 D/s relationship.

I am so happy and excited that Master and i are going to give this another try! During the time that we were not practicing 24/7 i never stopped thinking of him as Master and we still had some "bedroom play" but i felt as if i was floundering in day-to-day life, with very little direction, nobody to guide me or discipline me, and few expectations from Master. I stopped caring about Him as i should have, our house was not clean like He liked it to be, i allowed His drinks to run empty, laundry was not always done, and Master struggled to find His work clothes when He needed them. Neither of us was happy.

Two weeks ago, we had a huge arguement, mostly stemming from the fact that we were not happy because a vanilla lifestyle just wasn't working for us. Master went to work that night and i cried myself to sleep. We went on this way for a few more days, each of us lost in our own world. Then He came home from work one morning and said "we need to talk."

We sat down that morning to talk after our son had gone down for his nap and Master told me that he had been thinking a lot about us. He realized how unhappy we both were in our current situation and He said that He thought we needed to go back to a D/s relationship. I was sooooo happy when Master said this I was bubbling over with joy.