Master tied me up and put me to bed last night. It was amazing. i slept GREAT for most of the night. i was surprised at how relaxed it made me feel. Until i had to go to the bathroom.
Master had instructed me to wake Him up if i needed to go, so i waited as long as i could until i finally couldn't wait anymore. Then i woke Him up and could wait until He released me, gave me permission to go potty, and RAN to the bathroom...it was such a relief.
But, it was late so He didn't tie me back up. After that, i didn't sleep well. i woke myself up about 4am cause i was talking so loud in my sleep that it startled me. i think i woke Master up too, cause i felt Him watching me. That was comforting, and it helped me fall back to sleep. i LOVE IT when i wake up and can feel His eyes on my body, admiring His property.
Today, Master is gone. He took the day to Himself and went to a gaming convention. With luck, He will come home with some extra money from selling some stuff He doesn't use anymore and He will splurge and buy some new toys. i am ready for new toys.
my wishlist for new toys:
a collar...i'm ready to be collared by Master again and the one He had bought before is not in good shape, it was a cheap, in the moment buy. i'm very excited about the new one He has picked out
an anal plug...oh boy, i've always been nervous about these and Master let me help pick out the last one, and after He used it on me the first time, W/we realized it was no fun, cause it was made from a soft silicone and won't stay in on its own.
a new paddle...Master's paddle is soooo old and He uses it soooo much it is getting worn out.
a crop...something else that has always made me nervous, but Master has been showing me all the different ways that He could use it and i would very much like to try
another set of cuffs...Master only has one set and another set would allow Master to bind both my ankles and wrists easier when He wants spur of the moment play and time is short
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Wishing (and knowing reality)
i hate it when Master has to work overtime. Overtime means He has to go to work at 7 pm...way to early for Him to tuck me into bed, since Little Prince doesn't usually go to bed till between 7:30 and 8. W/we tried putting him to bed at 7 so that i could go to bed too, but that just doesn't work. i ended up having to get LP back out of bed, and he then stayed up till 9:30 tonight...ugh.
i really wish that Master didn't have to work overtime!
And then, there is reality. i know that Master working overtime means more money for our family, which in turn means more bills get paid, more/better/healthier food gets put on our table, and more toys get bought (for our bedroom and Little Prince). And so, i will suck it up and deal with the reality that Master has to work overtime.
i just wish that i could smoke a cigarette tonight!
And then, there is reality (again). Master doesn't like it that i smoke, it's a drain on our budget...and He will be lucky to have enough gas to get to work till payday this week, so we just can't afford it. Master has one cigarette left for me in the morning, to make sure i get a nicotine fix. He is trying to wean me off slowly so that i don't go balistic without my nicotine fix. Really, it's the only bad habit i have left (and trust me, i used to have a lot of them)...so it's not too bad, just annoying and displeasing to Master, so i really want to quit for Him.
So...i really wish that He could come home, tell me no smokes tonight, and tuck me in to bed....grrr, it's going to be a long night.
i really wish that Master didn't have to work overtime!
And then, there is reality. i know that Master working overtime means more money for our family, which in turn means more bills get paid, more/better/healthier food gets put on our table, and more toys get bought (for our bedroom and Little Prince). And so, i will suck it up and deal with the reality that Master has to work overtime.
i just wish that i could smoke a cigarette tonight!
And then, there is reality (again). Master doesn't like it that i smoke, it's a drain on our budget...and He will be lucky to have enough gas to get to work till payday this week, so we just can't afford it. Master has one cigarette left for me in the morning, to make sure i get a nicotine fix. He is trying to wean me off slowly so that i don't go balistic without my nicotine fix. Really, it's the only bad habit i have left (and trust me, i used to have a lot of them)...so it's not too bad, just annoying and displeasing to Master, so i really want to quit for Him.
So...i really wish that He could come home, tell me no smokes tonight, and tuck me in to bed....grrr, it's going to be a long night.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Fantasizing...Part 2
Tie me up (or down) till i can't move. Arms are bound at wrist and elbow and stretched above my head. Legs bound at ankle and knee. Another portion of Your rope keeps my legs bound up und underneath me so i can't push them out straight.
Starting with a slow gentle warm up, You caress and stratch my backside. You add in a few light, rythmic slaps to both butt cheeks. You get out Your paddle and swat me a few times with the soft side. Then You flip it over and let loose with the leather side of Your paddle and make my backside nice and red.
Finally, You get out Your candle, that's been melting ever so slowly. You start dripping hot wax aross my body...shoulders, back, bottom, feet...You drip hot wax where You will, wherever it please You. Then You peel it off as it hardens and crumbles. Then start all over again, paddling and dripping as You go.
Suddenly You decide it is time to turn me over, pulling my legs out straight and tying them down again so i'm am bound straight out and cannot move. Again, You warm me up, starting with my breasts, smacking gently, working your way down my body and across my legs. Paddling ever harder as You progress and let loose again.
Again, You get out Your candle, that's had more time to melt down. And againYou start dripping hot wax across my body...breasts, belly, legs this time... dripping hot wax where You will, wherever it pleases You. Again, You peel it off as it hardens and crumbles, starting anew, paddling and dripping as You go.
Let me feel it all, all the ecstacy You can give as You let go Your inhibitions and help me over come mine. Ecstacy in pain, eroitic pain, is what i long to feel. Sensations only You can give, as You are the one i place all my trust in, safe in the knowledge that You understand and respect my limits and won't push me farther than i can endure. Always knowing that You can push me just to that edge, to that precipice i yearn for but cannot always ask for. Let me fall over. i know You will catch me before i hit the bottom, pick me back up and then W/we will start all over again.
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Starting with a slow gentle warm up, You caress and stratch my backside. You add in a few light, rythmic slaps to both butt cheeks. You get out Your paddle and swat me a few times with the soft side. Then You flip it over and let loose with the leather side of Your paddle and make my backside nice and red.
Finally, You get out Your candle, that's been melting ever so slowly. You start dripping hot wax aross my body...shoulders, back, bottom, feet...You drip hot wax where You will, wherever it please You. Then You peel it off as it hardens and crumbles. Then start all over again, paddling and dripping as You go.
Suddenly You decide it is time to turn me over, pulling my legs out straight and tying them down again so i'm am bound straight out and cannot move. Again, You warm me up, starting with my breasts, smacking gently, working your way down my body and across my legs. Paddling ever harder as You progress and let loose again.
Again, You get out Your candle, that's had more time to melt down. And againYou start dripping hot wax across my body...breasts, belly, legs this time... dripping hot wax where You will, wherever it pleases You. Again, You peel it off as it hardens and crumbles, starting anew, paddling and dripping as You go.
Let me feel it all, all the ecstacy You can give as You let go Your inhibitions and help me over come mine. Ecstacy in pain, eroitic pain, is what i long to feel. Sensations only You can give, as You are the one i place all my trust in, safe in the knowledge that You understand and respect my limits and won't push me farther than i can endure. Always knowing that You can push me just to that edge, to that precipice i yearn for but cannot always ask for. Let me fall over. i know You will catch me before i hit the bottom, pick me back up and then W/we will start all over again.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Punishments
Wednesday night, when Master left for work, He took me to bed like always....but unlike always He did not tuck me in under the covers. "You need to text me and ask permission to go to the bathroom tonight, and don't cover up" is all He said on His way out the door.
Now, you need to understand that it could be 100 degrees outside and i'm under the covers; i'm the type of person that is always cold and Master HATES my cold feet, which never seem to get warm. So, for Him to tell me to stay uncovered in bed with the window a/c just a few feet away and blowing directly on my naked body was a very difficult limit to obey.
Within half an hour i was shivering, laying on one side long enough to warm it up and then quickly flipping onto the other side to warm it up, cuddling my round cuddly pillow (which i am allowed on nights when Master is at work) between my breasts long enough to warm my front up and then quickly placing it behind my back in an effort to spread the warmth. It was excruciatingly difficult for me by this point not to just climb under the covers, and i was soooo tired.
Fifteen more minutes goes by and now i'm soooo cold that i have to pee, really really bad. So, i text Master and ask Him if i can please, please go to the bathroom. Within a few minutes i recieve a text back telling me that i may go and that He will send me another message when He decides i may cover up. So, i get up and run to the bathroom, taking comfort in the warmth that comes from moving my body and getting out from in front of the a/c.
When i get back to the bed, i check the clock (i'm always checking the clock, bad habit that Master is trying to break) and it's 8:45...OMG, it's only been 45 minutes since Master put me in bed and left for work, how am i ever going to survive the night?
A while later, half asleep and too cold to care anymore i sleepily reach down to the foot of the bed and grab the quilt, shake it out and cover up with it. i know i will be punished but i am so tired and so cold i give up, i just want to be warm and sleep. Once covered, i quickly snuggle down and fall alseep.
A very short time later, the phone wakes me. It's Master, texting me to let me know i may cover up. Too late, i'm already covered up. And then i look at the time on the phone...it's only 9:30 *groan.* I'm going to be punished because i couldn't stay on top of the covers for an hour and a half and it was only like ten minutes after i finally covered up that Master finally texted me. So guilty did i feel that i did not sleep well the rest of the night.
In the morning, Master came home, got our son out of bed, woke me up, and got in the shower. i got up, took the dogs out, came back in and went straight to Master to confess my wrong before my guilt ate me up. He said He would take care of it later, right now He wanted me to stop worrying about it, get my chores done and let Him take a nap.
So, the day goes by and i try not to think about my coming punishment. There are a few spankings here and there throughout the day as Master corrects my inappropriate behaviors (like being snippy and not getting LP buckled in his carseat). Then evening rolls around, LP goes to bed, Master calls me to the living room and commands me to strip naked and get on my elbows and knees in front of Him. Still, this is not my punishment for disobeying Him the night before, this is just a time He wants to spend admiring my body and obedience to Him.
Time passes, occassionally Master reaches out and rubs His hands over my butt or pussy lips, telling me how much He enjoys His property and that this is one of His favorite sites. Then, He commands me to turn around and tells me how much of a good girl i was, being so good and still for Him, but that it is time to discuss the punishment i have earned.
He tells me to go to the bedroom and get on the bed, with the paddle. i do as commanded. He comes in behind me and spends a few minutes warming me up, but not much since this is about punishment and not pleasure. Then, He tells me that the first part of my punishments is 20 whacks with the leather side of the paddle, and that they will NOT be easy whacks, but hard and they will hurt a lot. i try my hardest not to cry out as Master delivers this part of my punishment, but it is very hard and i do cry out a few times before it is all done.
That wasn't nearly as bad as Master had led me to believe it would be, when He had told me earlier in the day that my punishment was going to be very uncomfortable. i sit up and thank Master for taking the time to punish me, tell Him how truly sorry i am for pushing limits and not obeying Him.Then, Master reminds me that He had said that was only the first part of my punishment, and as i watch Him, He picks up the throw blankets off the stand next to His bed, grabs two pillows off the bed and spreads it all out on the floor.
Last night, as punishment for not listening Wednesday night, i had to sleep on the floor all night. Worst punishment ever. My large hips were not made for laying on the floor for an extended amount of time. Ten minutes on this side and then i had to roll over to that side before the pain was unbearable. Back and forth and back and forth i went all night. Talk about not sleeping well...but trust me, i stayed on the floor the whole night. No way was i gonna risk climbing up in Master's big bed and getting an even worse punishment (or god forbid sentenced to the floor for the weekend, when Master was at home at night to cuddle with).
Now, you need to understand that it could be 100 degrees outside and i'm under the covers; i'm the type of person that is always cold and Master HATES my cold feet, which never seem to get warm. So, for Him to tell me to stay uncovered in bed with the window a/c just a few feet away and blowing directly on my naked body was a very difficult limit to obey.
Within half an hour i was shivering, laying on one side long enough to warm it up and then quickly flipping onto the other side to warm it up, cuddling my round cuddly pillow (which i am allowed on nights when Master is at work) between my breasts long enough to warm my front up and then quickly placing it behind my back in an effort to spread the warmth. It was excruciatingly difficult for me by this point not to just climb under the covers, and i was soooo tired.
Fifteen more minutes goes by and now i'm soooo cold that i have to pee, really really bad. So, i text Master and ask Him if i can please, please go to the bathroom. Within a few minutes i recieve a text back telling me that i may go and that He will send me another message when He decides i may cover up. So, i get up and run to the bathroom, taking comfort in the warmth that comes from moving my body and getting out from in front of the a/c.
When i get back to the bed, i check the clock (i'm always checking the clock, bad habit that Master is trying to break) and it's 8:45...OMG, it's only been 45 minutes since Master put me in bed and left for work, how am i ever going to survive the night?
A while later, half asleep and too cold to care anymore i sleepily reach down to the foot of the bed and grab the quilt, shake it out and cover up with it. i know i will be punished but i am so tired and so cold i give up, i just want to be warm and sleep. Once covered, i quickly snuggle down and fall alseep.
A very short time later, the phone wakes me. It's Master, texting me to let me know i may cover up. Too late, i'm already covered up. And then i look at the time on the phone...it's only 9:30 *groan.* I'm going to be punished because i couldn't stay on top of the covers for an hour and a half and it was only like ten minutes after i finally covered up that Master finally texted me. So guilty did i feel that i did not sleep well the rest of the night.
In the morning, Master came home, got our son out of bed, woke me up, and got in the shower. i got up, took the dogs out, came back in and went straight to Master to confess my wrong before my guilt ate me up. He said He would take care of it later, right now He wanted me to stop worrying about it, get my chores done and let Him take a nap.
So, the day goes by and i try not to think about my coming punishment. There are a few spankings here and there throughout the day as Master corrects my inappropriate behaviors (like being snippy and not getting LP buckled in his carseat). Then evening rolls around, LP goes to bed, Master calls me to the living room and commands me to strip naked and get on my elbows and knees in front of Him. Still, this is not my punishment for disobeying Him the night before, this is just a time He wants to spend admiring my body and obedience to Him.
Time passes, occassionally Master reaches out and rubs His hands over my butt or pussy lips, telling me how much He enjoys His property and that this is one of His favorite sites. Then, He commands me to turn around and tells me how much of a good girl i was, being so good and still for Him, but that it is time to discuss the punishment i have earned.
He tells me to go to the bedroom and get on the bed, with the paddle. i do as commanded. He comes in behind me and spends a few minutes warming me up, but not much since this is about punishment and not pleasure. Then, He tells me that the first part of my punishments is 20 whacks with the leather side of the paddle, and that they will NOT be easy whacks, but hard and they will hurt a lot. i try my hardest not to cry out as Master delivers this part of my punishment, but it is very hard and i do cry out a few times before it is all done.
That wasn't nearly as bad as Master had led me to believe it would be, when He had told me earlier in the day that my punishment was going to be very uncomfortable. i sit up and thank Master for taking the time to punish me, tell Him how truly sorry i am for pushing limits and not obeying Him.Then, Master reminds me that He had said that was only the first part of my punishment, and as i watch Him, He picks up the throw blankets off the stand next to His bed, grabs two pillows off the bed and spreads it all out on the floor.
Last night, as punishment for not listening Wednesday night, i had to sleep on the floor all night. Worst punishment ever. My large hips were not made for laying on the floor for an extended amount of time. Ten minutes on this side and then i had to roll over to that side before the pain was unbearable. Back and forth and back and forth i went all night. Talk about not sleeping well...but trust me, i stayed on the floor the whole night. No way was i gonna risk climbing up in Master's big bed and getting an even worse punishment (or god forbid sentenced to the floor for the weekend, when Master was at home at night to cuddle with).
Fantasizing...Part 1
This morning as i lay on the floor, waiting for You to come home and release me from my punishment and call me into Your bed, i began thinking of all the wonderful, erotic things You might do to me:
i imagined that instead of just laying me down on the floor, You had also tied my wrists, elbows, ankles, and knees together so that the only thing i would be able to do all night was *maybe* roll over. Then, when You got home You released me and i had to beg you to go to the bathroom. When You finally said "yes" i ran as fast as i could the whole whopping ten or so steps to the bathroom (leaping the baby gate) so bad did i have to go.
You followed me to the bathroom and watched as i peed, *ahh, such a sweet relief*. As soon as i finished You commanded me to stand up, put the lid down and bend over. Right there, in the bathroom, You had your way with me, taking fulfillment in my body, using my vagina and butt to find Your release and filling me with your seed.
**Master assigned me a new challenge yesterday. Each time He commands me to, i am to add something i fantasize about to my blog. Thus, the Part 1...each part may expand on a previous fantasy OR it may begin a new one. I will try to link to any past fantasy i may be expanding on.
i imagined that instead of just laying me down on the floor, You had also tied my wrists, elbows, ankles, and knees together so that the only thing i would be able to do all night was *maybe* roll over. Then, when You got home You released me and i had to beg you to go to the bathroom. When You finally said "yes" i ran as fast as i could the whole whopping ten or so steps to the bathroom (leaping the baby gate) so bad did i have to go.
You followed me to the bathroom and watched as i peed, *ahh, such a sweet relief*. As soon as i finished You commanded me to stand up, put the lid down and bend over. Right there, in the bathroom, You had your way with me, taking fulfillment in my body, using my vagina and butt to find Your release and filling me with your seed.
**Master assigned me a new challenge yesterday. Each time He commands me to, i am to add something i fantasize about to my blog. Thus, the Part 1...each part may expand on a previous fantasy OR it may begin a new one. I will try to link to any past fantasy i may be expanding on.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Parenting
Ah the joys of parenting...in a D/s relationship no less...and where exactly are we supposed to find "mommy & daddy time?"
First, let me start by saying that being in a D/s relationship has had a very positive impact on our relationship with our son and our skills as parents. Not really very odd when you think about it.
Master often has me sit on the floor next to Him, wherever He is at in the house, and this puts me on Little Prince's level all the time. Now, instead of sitting at my desk chair or on the couch when we are relaxing, i'm on the floor and LP is usually in my lap or climbing on me like a jungle gym. i have more opportunities to tickle LP or work on identifying body parts or counting cause it's harder to ignore somebody who is completely on your level and in your face. And I sure don't mind :)
Not only that, but Master taking control of more things in our lives means He is being WAY more ascertive with our son. I don't have to remind Him to tell Little Prince "no more climbing the stairs" or when LP takes an attitude with me and i'm at my wits end, Master is right there now to jump in and put His foot down. Sometimes it still works the other way, LP still sees me more as his disciplinarian and will listen to me when he won't listen to anybody else.But it's nice to know that i don't have to be the one in charge of all of Little Prince's discipline and that Master is starting to understand more and more why those things are hard for/on me.
But....when i get up in the morning Master is just getting home and going to bed. Master sometimes gets up for lunch, which means He wants to take a nap when LP goes down for is afternoon nap. I have to go to the bedroom with Him and clean Him all up and sometimes this leads to further play, but usually just cuddle time or sharing time. Other days, if Master is not up by the time LP goes down for his afternoon nap, i have to wake Master up. This is usually fun and takes time to kiss Him awake and rub His body down; but He usually wakes up hungry and wants to get out of bed and He has to do inspection of my daily chores. Then, we have some sharing time, and then, guess what LP wakes up...and there goes all that "mommy and daddy" time i had hoped for. Oh well, Saturday is right around the corner and LP sleeps ALL NIGHT....and Master is home ALL NIGHT...hmmmm :) can't wait!
Oh, and that article i talked about in my last post...let me just say that Master read it, and it explained in so many ways some of the things that i've felt but have a really hard time expressing to Master. i think i will revist that article in a future post(s) and break it down a little, more than just refering to how great it was :)
First, let me start by saying that being in a D/s relationship has had a very positive impact on our relationship with our son and our skills as parents. Not really very odd when you think about it.
Master often has me sit on the floor next to Him, wherever He is at in the house, and this puts me on Little Prince's level all the time. Now, instead of sitting at my desk chair or on the couch when we are relaxing, i'm on the floor and LP is usually in my lap or climbing on me like a jungle gym. i have more opportunities to tickle LP or work on identifying body parts or counting cause it's harder to ignore somebody who is completely on your level and in your face. And I sure don't mind :)
Not only that, but Master taking control of more things in our lives means He is being WAY more ascertive with our son. I don't have to remind Him to tell Little Prince "no more climbing the stairs" or when LP takes an attitude with me and i'm at my wits end, Master is right there now to jump in and put His foot down. Sometimes it still works the other way, LP still sees me more as his disciplinarian and will listen to me when he won't listen to anybody else.But it's nice to know that i don't have to be the one in charge of all of Little Prince's discipline and that Master is starting to understand more and more why those things are hard for/on me.
But....when i get up in the morning Master is just getting home and going to bed. Master sometimes gets up for lunch, which means He wants to take a nap when LP goes down for is afternoon nap. I have to go to the bedroom with Him and clean Him all up and sometimes this leads to further play, but usually just cuddle time or sharing time. Other days, if Master is not up by the time LP goes down for his afternoon nap, i have to wake Master up. This is usually fun and takes time to kiss Him awake and rub His body down; but He usually wakes up hungry and wants to get out of bed and He has to do inspection of my daily chores. Then, we have some sharing time, and then, guess what LP wakes up...and there goes all that "mommy and daddy" time i had hoped for. Oh well, Saturday is right around the corner and LP sleeps ALL NIGHT....and Master is home ALL NIGHT...hmmmm :) can't wait!
Oh, and that article i talked about in my last post...let me just say that Master read it, and it explained in so many ways some of the things that i've felt but have a really hard time expressing to Master. i think i will revist that article in a future post(s) and break it down a little, more than just refering to how great it was :)
Just Thoughts
Today is the day i am to scrub the bathroom clean; it is also the day Master J gets paid and W/we go grocery shopping as a family. In the past, both of the things have been a huge burden to me; i hate cleaning the bathroom and taking Master J grocery shopping has always gotten on my nerves...
The bathroom has always been a place of retreat for me. When i'm not feeling well or just need to relax i know that i can fill the bathtub with hot, bubbly water and escape into the sensation of heat and bubbles on my skin, close my eyes and just let my mind drift. But it is also the place i hate to clean the most, thinking about the fact that my retreat can get so dirty just grosses me out. i personally hate scrubbing around the toilet, cleaning up other's "splashes" and wiping up the sweat from the toilet and all the gunk that can get caught up in said sweat and "splashes".
Plus, we have cats and the kitty litter box is kept in the bathroom. Cat's may be seen as clean creatures that are always grooming themselves and each other, but they are just plain gross when it comes to the place to they relieve themselves. They have a tendancy to flick their kitty litter (and the stuff caught in the kitty litter) all over...the wall behind our kitty litter box has become a "splashboard" for kitty crap and it's just gross.
For the past few years, basically since i was pregnant and had an excuse (and the ensuing time since Master let me get away with it), Master has been cleaning the kitty litter box and He never bothered to clean the "splashboard". Well, now that i'm not pregnant, or nursing, and no longer have any excuse to get out of it, the kitty litter is once again part of my daily chores and cleaning the bathroom involves scrubbing out the box and cleaning the corner it goes in. So today, i found myself on my knees, scrubbing this place i hate, but all the while thinking about how proud Master would be that it was completely scrubbed clean.
And then, i found myself continuing all the way around the room, scrubbing baseboards and behind the toilet and everyother place i hate to scrub in that room. All the time, i kept thinking "why am i doing this" and then, an immediate answer to that question came. I knew that no matter how much i hated cleaning it Master would be proud that the room was sparkly clean and all remnants of dirt (and therefore my disgust with cleaning the room) would be gone. Now the room is clean, and i can't WAIT for Master to see it.
And on to grocery shopping...and why do i hate taking Master grocery shopping so much? Because Master is a chef and He likes to cook. Well, that's not such a bad thing, but His desire to cook things W/we cannot afford is very difficult on me. i find myself constantly reminding Him that W/we only have X amount of dollars for groceries this week and so He can't have those steaks He wants, or the asparagus that $2.00 a pound might be cheaper elsewhere, lets just wait. And i feel like i've crushed Him yet again by not letting Him revel in something He loves so much.
Already, He has given up His career in cooking (hopefully only temporarily) to work where there is money to be had. He's working third shift in a factory right now and it crushes His spirit. Not only is He not able to do what He loves and be in a kitchen everyday, He's tired and not able to spend as much time with Little Prince and i as i know He would like to. So, today i will bite my tongue and hope that He remembers W/we are on a tight budget and gently steer Him to the items W/we can afford.
And some rambling While working hard to scrub the bathroom clean, i took occassional breaks to keep me from getting frustrated with the stuck on dirt and disgustingness of the room, and to get out of the room filled with bleach fumes...and during my breaks i read this great article about what submissive women want and how we may have a hard time expressing ourselves. i was so thrilled to find an article that i felt identified a large part of me.
The bathroom has always been a place of retreat for me. When i'm not feeling well or just need to relax i know that i can fill the bathtub with hot, bubbly water and escape into the sensation of heat and bubbles on my skin, close my eyes and just let my mind drift. But it is also the place i hate to clean the most, thinking about the fact that my retreat can get so dirty just grosses me out. i personally hate scrubbing around the toilet, cleaning up other's "splashes" and wiping up the sweat from the toilet and all the gunk that can get caught up in said sweat and "splashes".
Plus, we have cats and the kitty litter box is kept in the bathroom. Cat's may be seen as clean creatures that are always grooming themselves and each other, but they are just plain gross when it comes to the place to they relieve themselves. They have a tendancy to flick their kitty litter (and the stuff caught in the kitty litter) all over...the wall behind our kitty litter box has become a "splashboard" for kitty crap and it's just gross.
For the past few years, basically since i was pregnant and had an excuse (and the ensuing time since Master let me get away with it), Master has been cleaning the kitty litter box and He never bothered to clean the "splashboard". Well, now that i'm not pregnant, or nursing, and no longer have any excuse to get out of it, the kitty litter is once again part of my daily chores and cleaning the bathroom involves scrubbing out the box and cleaning the corner it goes in. So today, i found myself on my knees, scrubbing this place i hate, but all the while thinking about how proud Master would be that it was completely scrubbed clean.
And then, i found myself continuing all the way around the room, scrubbing baseboards and behind the toilet and everyother place i hate to scrub in that room. All the time, i kept thinking "why am i doing this" and then, an immediate answer to that question came. I knew that no matter how much i hated cleaning it Master would be proud that the room was sparkly clean and all remnants of dirt (and therefore my disgust with cleaning the room) would be gone. Now the room is clean, and i can't WAIT for Master to see it.
And on to grocery shopping...and why do i hate taking Master grocery shopping so much? Because Master is a chef and He likes to cook. Well, that's not such a bad thing, but His desire to cook things W/we cannot afford is very difficult on me. i find myself constantly reminding Him that W/we only have X amount of dollars for groceries this week and so He can't have those steaks He wants, or the asparagus that $2.00 a pound might be cheaper elsewhere, lets just wait. And i feel like i've crushed Him yet again by not letting Him revel in something He loves so much.
Already, He has given up His career in cooking (hopefully only temporarily) to work where there is money to be had. He's working third shift in a factory right now and it crushes His spirit. Not only is He not able to do what He loves and be in a kitchen everyday, He's tired and not able to spend as much time with Little Prince and i as i know He would like to. So, today i will bite my tongue and hope that He remembers W/we are on a tight budget and gently steer Him to the items W/we can afford.
And some rambling While working hard to scrub the bathroom clean, i took occassional breaks to keep me from getting frustrated with the stuck on dirt and disgustingness of the room, and to get out of the room filled with bleach fumes...and during my breaks i read this great article about what submissive women want and how we may have a hard time expressing ourselves. i was so thrilled to find an article that i felt identified a large part of me.
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